Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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