How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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