Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
