Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
