I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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