My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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