Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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