You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
