I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
