I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
