It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
