How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
