Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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