I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
