pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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