her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You made out with two different species that night
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
