Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
