I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize