So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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