god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
