is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
