At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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