worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
