he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
