I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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