how can u be prego again
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
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Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
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I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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