True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
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AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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