He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
