Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
