A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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