my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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