i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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