R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
