You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Pooping to opera.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
