please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
