these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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