I cannot find my penis.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
