Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Congratulations! We have a period
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
