did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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