As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
