She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
