omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
