i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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