His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he wants to bone in the snuggie
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
