Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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