my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
