this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
this is an emotional support booty call
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
