I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
