im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
