I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
