4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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