piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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