Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
