remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
