guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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