dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
