Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
