My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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